Here's a multiple choice question for the young, or just the soft in the head, drivers out there.

Which lane is the fast lane?

1. the right hand lane
2. the left hand lane
3. three or more consecutive evenings in which you drink yourself blind, snort a mountain of blow and have unprotected sex with many different sex partners..... not all the same gender.

Anyone who answered A. should be led out to a field and set free! The right hand lane is a "cruising" lane. This is the lane for you if you like to putt along at your own pace, oblivious and happy... ignorance/bliss... you know.This also happens to be the lane where everyone else should be... I know what some of you might be thinking... "But I like to go fast!" Yes, I also like to go fast, but no matter how fast you think you can go there's always someone who can go faster Mario.

Anyone who answered B should be set adrift with nothing but a box of saltines! The left hand lane is known as the PASSING LANE! This lane, unlike it's idiot brother, is not for "cruising" and being stupefied by the brilliant scenery. This lane is for...... does anyone know?.... that's right, it's for PASSING!!!!!!

Once again I'll use my tele"pathetic" powers and once again I know what some of you might be thinking.... "But I'm going the speed limit... maybe even 10 km over it sometimes. I think I have a right to be in the passing lane." Sorry JACKASS!!!! This lane is reserved for passing and being aware that others want to pass. Once again this is an area where you must exercise some common sense.(Why they call it "common" sense I'll never know.) If you feel you're going at a much quicker speed than the majority of drivers then you better be passing and if I come up on your stupid ass you better get over!!! I often wonder what could be going through the pea brain behind the vacant eyes staring indignantly back at me through the rearview mirror of the vehicle whose ass I have to ride down the highway.... Ever seen the sign, "KEEP RIGHT EXCEPT TO PASS"? GET OVER, ROAD HOG! DRIVE IT OR PARK IT!!!

If you answered C, and you're a woman between the age of 18 and 36, send me an e-mail.

Remember, if there's any part of this that you don't understand then just GET THE HELL OFF OF MY ROADS!

by rosie romoli